A miraculous event happened a few Sundays back. I sat in a crowded bar full of football fans awaiting a 10:00 AM kick off when a waitress came over and started to take drink orders from me and my fellow boisterous brutes. Wanting to get the party started before all the glorious gridiron mayhem, I ordered a Mimosa as did the burly specimen to my right. A rather svelte, but dapper guy teetotaled with some water at the other end and a bearded fellow procured himself a Coca Cola. Surprisingly, one of our fold must have felt rather effeminate, for he chose that wussy excuse for a cola, Diet Coke, and for this I prepared for all onlookers equipped with a phallus to draw and quarter him for such an egregious offense to all things masculinity, but alas, no challenge was made to his weak choice in beverage and the offense was left unpunished.
The only conclusion I can draw is that the stigma surrounding guys drinking diet soda, so it is extremely puzzling that Dr. Pepper insists on marketing a ten calorie drink on such an assumption. I mean, seriously, I can’t even remember the last time I had my balls broken for ordering a diet drink. Is there some dark ass backwards part of the country where people still treat the purchase of a diet drink like its a request for castration? When did adding ten calories to a diet drink become a sign of virility?
Unfortunately, this ad is as phony as the stigma it believes still exists for men who drink diet soda right down to the fake Josh Brolin they recruited to star in it. One day, big cola companies will understand that rather than judge people on the calories they ingest, they should actually make a soda with a bold flavor instead of adding 10 calories to a diet drink that they have not improved and, shockingly, that is enjoyed unabashedly by, “manly,” men in every land!
— by JR Stuck